Lonely Wallow

When I was little I used to look at people alone and constantly thought to myself, wow, they must be so sad. Or I thought maybe something was wrong, because why would one choose to be lonely? Now that I’ve gotten older I’ve realized there isn’t anything wrong with being lonely. I think people who choose to be lonely have something over those who can’t be lonely. This whole time we’ve looked at them thinking

“wow I feel bad for them”, but in reality, they feel bad for us.

Some people are genuinely incapable of being alone or can’t stand it.

guilty ( sometimes)

Some people need to be next to someone or need someone to accompany them to do stuff because doing it alone won’t be enough or it won’t feel the same.

Is there truly more joy in doing something when you can share it with someone? Is being alone truly that bad? or are those people sincerely comfortable with themselves in ways that others aren’t and that’s why they can’t stand being alone?

I’ve wrapped myself in this idea since yesterday. I attended a wallows concert by myself. Which was genuinely the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Dancing by myself, romanticizing the music and the confetti in the air was liberating. Even a little emotional for me. Warning was being played while confetti was shot in the air, it looked like it was snowing. There were white specks in the boy’s hair and snow falling on all of our heads, people were screaming and dancing. I looked around at all the couple of friends and relationships which one would think would make me feel more lonely, but it didn’t. I felt so happy in that moment. Experiencing something all to myself, something I don’t have to share with someone, with anyone. however, I did share a video with my best friend and my sisters.

When I moved out at 19 I thought I would feel like my own person. like an adult. I thought moving into my downtown apartment and driving would make me feel like a woman. The first time I felt like an adult was when I asked any and every friend to hang out with me and everyone said NO. I had already gotten ready to grab lunch with a friend and I was nearly taking off my clothes to sit inside and wait for a response when I thought,

Why don’t I just go alone?”

anxiety crept in and nearly stopped me from going but I pushed through and I ended up at Beachwood Cafe. I sat alongside a big sunny window, book in hand, and vanilla latte en route. Sitting there by myself made me feel so good about myself, I felt more like myself than I ever had. I looked around to see other “lonely” people doing the same thing I was doing, we shared glances and smiles thinking the same thing. I Didn’t feel lonely I felt comfortable.

Anyways, go to concerts alone, it’s amazing. and if you ever get the chance to see the wallows in person, go. The most fun I’ve ever had!

Must listen to Uncomfortable by the wallows. pls